


Resident Evil 4: Sherry May Cry

by NailStrafer



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Bio Organic Weapons | B.O.W.s, Coffee, Comedy, Gen, Mutants, Plot Devices, Puzzles, Raccoon City, Slapstick, T-Virus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 09:44:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18091997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NailStrafer/pseuds/NailStrafer
Summary: September 6th, 2002 - Wesker calls forth his allies revived by the Plot Virus to hatch a devious plan to destroy Chris and all of their other enemies! Or they just sit around and drink coffee for a while, eat pizza, watch some videos, and maybe they'll get round to that eventually... Eh, whatever.





	Resident Evil 4: Sherry May Cry

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: A little backstory on this fic… Waaaaaaay back in the early 2000s, I had an old friend named Wazza Grimsnik on the GameFAQs Resident Evil message boards. A few times he'd post up a fic as a topic on the boards we hung out on, and I actually saved a few of them to my hard drive before they were scrubbed away. This is one of those fics, posted on August 15, 2002. There's been fresh new buzz around older Resident Evil games with the recent release of the Resident Evil 2 remake, so I thought it'd be fun to post this up here now. I know it's Wazza's story, but I wanted to preserve this fic on this site as I think it's pretty damn funny even today. Wazza, in the unlikely event you see this and you want me to take it down, just let me know.
> 
> I have edited this fic, but it was mostly just to convert it from chat/script format into a standard dialogue format that complies with this site's rules. Aside from that I've mostly left it intact. I must emphasize again this was written in mid-2002. Resident Evil 4 was three years away from release, and the Resident Evil 2 remake was nearly seventeen years away. That's why the jokes about the Resident Evil canon are so outdated in this story. Heck, when this story was written, we didn't know for sure if Ada survived Resident Evil 2, and now she's been in how many Resident Evil games? XD it feels weird realizing her survival wasn't known yet back then. Anyway, I could have updated the jokes as I've kept current on the series since then (including the recent Resident Evil 2 remake), but I didn't want to, out of respect to the original author.
> 
> Anyway, hope you guys enjoy!

_This fic contains scenes of explicit violence and gore._

Remember the opening to Code Veronica? With the panning shot over the ocean, then the island? Okay, imagine that. But a different island. A better one. Kinda like the island shot from Jurassic Park.

No wait; that had dinosaurs. Forget that.

Panning shot. Ocean. Island. Done. The title fades onto the screen.

_**Resident Evil 4: Sherry May Cry** _

**Umbrella's Super-Secret Hidden Fortress of Solitude (tm)  
7:34 PM, September 6th, 2002**

Inside Umbrella's super-secret hidden Fortress of Solitude (tm), located on a small island off the coast of what we'll call Japan, Albert Wesker is holding the Annual Evil Scientist Conglomerate World Fair. Which is basically him and his clique sitting around a table drinking coffee for a few hours, then watching a video or two and ordering pizza.

"Hoo-kay. Everyone here?" Wesker gazes around the table.

"Where's my coffee?" Alexia glares.

"Patience, it's brewing as we speak." He indicates towards the filling pot.

Birkin's eyebrow raises. On the eye on on his shoulder, that is. "Hey, weren't you dead?"

"So were you," Alexia says. "You don't hear me bringing it up.

Yeah, I'm confused." Ada brushes a hand through her hair. "Care to explain, Wesker?"

Wesker pulls out a small vial filled with a brown-ish gelatinous liquid. "God bless the Plot Virus." He kisses it.

"Coffee?" Alexia repeated.

"The percolations are imminent!" Wesker leaps from his chair. "Be quiet!"

Alexia cowers, subdued, as Wesker moves to a large whiteboard covered with a sheet that seems to dominate the far wall of the room.

"Friends, associates... Alexia." Wesker gives each one a cursory glance in turn. "Behind this ominous-looking sheet lies a plan that assures us total victory over those who have plagued our very existence since the dawn of time!"

"Uber-weapon manufacturers?" Alexia asks.

"Squaresoft?" Annette muses.

"That little **** with the rocket launcher?" Everyone in the room is silent, as they stare at Mr. X.

He gives a look back to the others, surprised. "…What? He really ****s me."

Alexia shakes her head. "No it's just that—"

Can we get back to the topic at hand?" Mr. X waves his hand towards the whiteboard. "I could have ripped that kid a new ass if it hadn't been for that ****ing rocket launcher."

Ada and Annette both choose this moment to avoid eye contact and hum to themselves.

Wesker clears his throat. "Well, you're all idiots, because it's none of those things. And because of that, it's a damn good thing _I_ thought up this plan." With a flourish, he unveils his masterpiece, tearing aside the sheet. To the untrained eye, it appears to be a bunch of mish-mashed tech diagrams, small doodles, and the words 'Chris Eats Zombie Poo' written in red whiteboard marker at random intervals. But of course, the assembled collective of brainiacs know _exactly_ what it is.

"Well?" Wesker smiles at the others. "What do you all think?"

"Uh... yeah, it's great..." Birkin scratches the side of his second head with his claw. "What does it all mean?"

"A new virus?" Ada asks.

"Some kind of magical coffee grinder that doesn't require human interaction?" Alexia said.

Mr. X points at the board. "It's a ****ing laser, isn't it? Damn you, Wesker."

"Ooh! I know!" Annette claps her hands together. "It's a plot to get my daughter back outside of legal action!"

Wesker, who doesn't even know what it is himself (he made it all up the night before), decides on the least inane suggestion.

"Yes, Annette!" He grins, pointing a finger at the ceiling. "We'll be utilizing our supreme intellect in a bid to recover Sherry!"

"Boo-yah! In your faces!" Annette does a fist pump at the others. "I got it right!"

Nemesis, the only one who can actually see a logical plan in Wesker's charade, raises a hand. "Question!"

"Yes?" Wesker asks.

"Where does the part where Chris eats zombie poo come into it?"

"Uh..." Wesker scratches his arm. "Around the middle somewhere."

"Just checking."

The secret meeting goes on, and as the camera pans out, the sound of collective evil laughter echoes into the night.

~X~

We join our heroes at the RPD precinct, where Chris Redfield and Leon S. Kennedy are sitting in their office... working. Yeah, that's it.

"Gah, I'm so bored," Chris moans.

Leon doesn't look up from his magazine. "Yup."

"Wish there was something to do."

Leon turns the page. "You could do that pile of paperwork on your table."

"Yeah, and you could shut up." Chris throws yet another ball of scrunched-up paper at the overflowing trashcan.

At that moment, Rebecca Chambers bursts through the door, screaming at the top of her lungs all the while. "OMIGODOMIGODOMIGODOMIGODOMIGOD!"

"Kreh!" Chris flings his arm out, purposefully knocking over his paperwork. "Becky, look what you made me do!"

Leon still isn't looking up. "Rebecca, calm down. What's going on?"

"OhcrapChrisyougottahelpmetheresawholebunchofweirdstuffgoingdown—"

"You're on what?" Chris tries to decipher her words. "Who's doing what?"

"—andImeanlikereallyweirdstufflikethattimewiththemansionyouremember—"

"I'm... yes."

"—didntIsaveyourlifeliketwicewhatdidIgetforthatnoraiseI'lltellyouthatmuch—"

Chris nodded. "Go on…"

"—anywayIthinkImighthaveseenWesker—"

Something in Chris's mind clicks. "Wesker? Isn't that the guy who despises me?"

"Come again?" Leon finally glances up from his magazine.

"I'm pretty sure it is. I mean, not a lot of people go so far as to say they despise me. 'I don't like you' and 'you're an idiot', yeah, but 'I _despise_ you'? I think I'd remember that."

Becky, who has finally calmed down enough to speak rationally... speaks rationally. "So what are you gonna do, Chris?"

Chris leans back in his chair. "Personally, I'm feeling the need to sit on my ass and let someone else handle it."

"Word." Leon's eyes sink back to the pages.

"...Chris, when can I get my desk back?" Rebecca asks.

Chris shrugs. "I dunno. When Leon dies?"

Leon glares up over the pages. "HEY!"

Becky gives Leon the evil eye, then leaves the S.T.A.R.S. office mumbling to herself.

"I think I heard the words 'kill Leon' in that mumbling." Leon turns towards Chris.

"Yeah, me too." He holds up a box. "Donut?"

**Raccoon City 2nd Mix  
12:05 PM**

Outside Town Hall, Wesker and his posse have assembled and are about to commence their plan. With the 'zombie threat' evident (Wesker gave a bunch of ravers $10 and some glow-sticks to hang around Rebecca for a while), Phase 2 is set into motion.

"So Wesker." Alexia folds her arms together. "How do you plan to get Sherry? You doing it yourself?"

"Hell no." Wesker shakes his head. "I've got a much better candidate for the job."

"And they would be?"

Wesker clears his throat, and launches into his spiel. "All new! All improved! More pointy than ever before! Big, nasty, hurting—"

"It's another Tyrant, isn't it?"

"...Maybe."

"Wesker, do you ever learn?"

"I would assume it's rather obvious that I _don't_."

"Figures."

Pulling a remote control from his pocket, Wesker pushes a few buttons. "Heh heh heh... ha ha ha... BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

**Wesker's House  
12:06 PM**

The roller-door on Wesker's garage opens and closes repeatedly.

**Raccoon City 2: The Sequel  
12:18 PM**

"HA HA HA HA HA—"

"I don't see a Tyrant." Alexia looks around.

"Oh." Wesker puts the door remote away, pulling out a different device. "It must be this one, then."

Upon pushing a single button on the new remote, a large tube pops up out of the ground right next to the two of them. A Tyrant slowly walks out, then slowly looks around... then slowly starts walking away.

**Same Location as the Last Scene  
12:27 PM**

The Tyrant is now about fifteen meters down the street.

"HURRY UP, DAMMIT!" Alexia screams at the B.O.W.

The Tyrant looks around, looks back at Wesker and Alexia, and then hails a passing taxi.

~X~

Young Sherry Birkin is making her way back from school. A taxi pulls up next to her, the back window winds down, and a large blue-grey man sticks his head out. Because _everyone_ knows Tyrants can't speak, the Tyrant uses an Etch-A-Sketch to communicate with others. He holds his up: _I've got candy._

The demon-child approaches, thinking out loud all the while. "Now what was it Claire said about strangers with candy? Something like, 'your father was a ****ing bastard who just wouldn't die and I hate you, Sherry.' Well, that's what she said when I asked her, but then again, she _was_ drinking from that brown paper bag..."

The Tyrant shakes his 'Sketch, and starts etching a new message.

"Whatcha got there, mister?" She clasps her hands together, realizing what it is. "Ooh, an Etch-A-Sketch! Can I draw something?"

'Interrupted' in the middle of his 'sentence', he shakes it again and sketches out something shorter, holding it up: _No_.

"Pleeeeease? I'll be your best friend!"

The Tyrant shakes, sketches, and holds the toy up again: _No_.

Sherry puts on a cute act, making her voice sickeningly sweet. "Pleeeeeeaaa—oops, you dropped it!" She scoops the 'Sketch off the ground. "Mine now!"

The Tyrant goes to speak out in protest, then remembers he can't. Rolling his eyes, he grabs the happily-sketching Sherry, throws her in the taxi, and directs the driver (using an intricate sequence of hand-movements) to take them back to Wesker outside Town Hall.

"Lookit! It's my interpretation of Hell!" Sherry shoves 'Sketch in the Tyrant's face.

The Tyrant's eyes widen, as he edges away from Sherry.

**RPD Precinct, S.T.A.R.S. Office  
2:15 PM**

"Boooo-ring." Chris throws another piece of wadded-up paper at the trashcan.

Leon is still engrossed in his magazine. "Paperwork."

"Can't. Becky made me put it through the paper shredder."

Without looking, Leon says, "When?"

"When she brought my mail in about an hour ago, she made me drop it while I was holding it... over the shredder."

"Convenient."

The door bursts open, and Rebecca runs in holding a piece of paper . Chris, out of paperwork to ruin, throws his coffee over Leon's magazine. "Becky! Look what you made me do!"

"Chris, you've got mail."

"Eh."

"It's from Wesker."

Chris's eyes widen. "Gimme!"

It turns out to be a letter made up entirely of magazine clippings, like those fancy ransom notes people get. You know the ones.

"Okay, let's see here. _'Dear Chris. It's Wesker. How are you? I'm fine.'_ How nice. _'I have Sherry, and if you want to see her alive again…_ '" He turns over the letter. "Hey, there's no Sherry on this side! Just more letters! Oh wait, maybe he wants me to keep reading. ' _You'll meet me at the Old Abandoned Warehouse. You know, the one where you need the five Magic Star Keys and the Golden Cogwheel to enter._ ' Aw, not the Golden Cogwheel! That thing takes ages to get! Hey, there's more. ' _P.S. I still despise you._ ' Ass."

Putting down the letter, Chris gets that serious look in his eyes.

"Chris?" Rebecca walks up. "You look serious."

"Rebecca, I'm assigning you a very important task."

"Wow! A task!" She freezes. "Wait a minute, it better not be—"

"You're getting the Golden Cogwheel. Come on Leon, let's get to the warehouse."

Rebecca stamps her foot. "Dammit!"

"Wait, I just gotta make a call first." Leon grabs the phone and dials Claire's number. "Hey, Claire? It's Leon... Yeah, apparently Wesker's got Sherry... You know, he held you hostage in Antarctica... He took that Steve guy... He despises Chris—yep, that one. See if you can get the posse together, 'kay? Chris and I will meet you outside the Old Abandoned Warehouse in…" He checks his watch. "…Half an hour. Bye." He hangs up.

"What was that about?" Chris asks.

"Claire's drunk again, but she said she'd try to get Carlos and Jill together."

"Groovy." Chris grabs a shotgun. "All right people, let's mosey!"

~X~

Jill's phone rings. She picks it up. "Hello? Who's there? Anyone? I can hear breathing! Is this you again, Nicholai?"

"Bwa ha ha!" the dastardly Russian guffaws. "Taste the bitter fruit of Umbrella's wrath!" He hangs up.

Jill paces around her apartment angrily, cursing herself for her ill-fated decision back in her _original_ Raccoon City days. "I could have blown his commie ass out of the sky, but no, I had to try to negotiate with him! Maybe he'd have a change of heart and pick us up! Yeah, right Jill, and this is what you get for being compassionate! Endless prank calls at all hours! Damn you, Nicholai! May you rot in—" The phone rings again. "Gah, is that him again?" Jill grabs a portable air-horn, blasting it into the phone's receiver. "Yeah! How do you like that, tractor-boy?"

"Aaaaah! My freakin' ears!"

"...Claire? Izzat you?"

"Who's this? Jill? My ears are bleeding! Call an ambulance!"

"I can't, my phone's engaged. I'm talking to you."

"Oh, right. Just let me hang up... Wait! I was supposed to ask you something!"

"...And that was?"

"Um... Sherry's been kidnapped, and Chris needs our help at the Old Abandoned Warehouse. Bring Carlos and your Magic Star Keys."

Jill writes down some notes. "Warehouse... Carlos... Magic Star Keys. Gotcha. There in ten."

**Old Abandoned Warehouse  
Ten Minutes Later**

Chris, Leon, Claire, Rebecca, Jill and Carlos are all assembled, each of them packing various amounts of heat. Each of them eager to save Sherry from the clutches of whatever evil holds her. Each of them burning with a desire to kick Wesker's ass.

"Got the keys." Jill holds up a keyring.

"Got the cogwheel..." Rebecca breathes heavily, holding the metallic object "…but I'm hella tired from all that running."

Chris puts the keys in their corresponding holes, and the door to the warehouse opens.

"Hmm," Leon strokes his chin, examining the door. "Looks like we don't need the cogwheel at all."

Claire nods. "Yeah, when they were rebuilding the city, they didn't put the cogwheel lock in this door. I guess Wesker forgot about that."

Rebecca gasps. "You mean I wasted all that time getting it for nothing?"

Claire shrugs. "Looks like it."

Rebecca collapses in defeat, and the other five step over her body into the gloomy depths of the warehouse.

"Okay, as team leader, and this being survival horror, we all split up!" Chris says.

Everyone goes their own separate ways, and wanders around the labyrinthine warehouse aimlessly looking for... well, anything.

Many, many, many pointless puzzles later, Jill examines her inventory. "Okay, I've got a car battery, a piece of rope, and some chewing gum. Err..."

"Perhaps I can help you with that," someone says behind her.

Jill smiles, turning around. "Well gee, thank- Oh shit! Nemesis!"

"Howdy."

"I'll- hey, wait a minute! Since when could you talk?"

"Since I was created. Remember? I'm the only B.O.W. that _can_ talk."

"What about Alexia, and Mr. X?"

"Hey, who told you Mr. X could talk?"

"He did. We have lengthy phone conversations about girl stuff. Well, in between Nicholai's prank calls."

"Oh, that Nicholai."

"Yeah. Say, you wanna go get something to drink? These puzzles are really stupid, and frankly, I couldn't be stuffed anymore."

"If I recall, the rope's to hang yourself when you're out of ideas, and that activates the event where the rope snaps and you fall through the floor into William's hidden rumpus room. He has a pool table."

The two of them head off to find a bar and get wasted, leaving the rest of the cast to find Sherry and hunt Wesker.

~X~

Claire is walking around in circles, when she bumps into Mr. X, who's _also_ walking around in circles.

"Hey. You look as lost as I am," he says.

"Yeah, this warehouse is like a giant maze. I don't know where I am!"

"You think you're in trouble? I've been looking for the crapper for the last 3 hours. You don't know pain."

Claire tilts her head. "...Do I know you?"

"I don't think so. Unless you were with that a-hole of a cop who shot me way back in '98."

"You mean Leon?" Claire holds out her hand. "About so high, wears a lot of blue?"

"Yeah, that's the one! You know where he is?"

Thinking fast, Claire says, "I think he's on vacation in the Middle East."

"Really?" He shakes Claire's hand. "I can't thank you enough. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a plane to catch. Ha ha! Just wait, you little prick! Payback time!" Mr. X breaks through about five walls, clearing a path outside, then gets in his car.

Claire follows him out, then spots Annette leaning against a wall with a cigarette in her hands.

"Hey! Annette!" Claire walks over to her. "What are you doing here?"

"They won't let me smoke inside. Say the last time I did, they ended up with their Bandersnatches all nicotine-stained and everything. Got a light?"

"No. I gave my lighter to some guy, then Chris got it back off him after he was regurgitated by a giant worm. Hey, weren't you dead?"

Annette blinks. "Uh, yeah. Plot Virus."

"Oh. Seen Sherry anywhere?"

Annette's face scrunches up, as she gets defensive. "...Why? You're trying to take her from me, aren't you?!"

"Yep."

"Hmm. Didn't expect that answer. Well you can't have her! She's my daughter!"

"That may be so, but you're a crappy parent!"

"Gasp! You take that back!"

"You said it yourself, remember?"

"...That was Claire B! Claire A's the official storyline!"

"Not according to Wesker's Report!"

"Oh, Wesker wouldn't know relevancy if it kicked him in the ass!"

The argument draws long into the night, taking another two characters out of the limelight, and giving us more time to concentrate on the interesting ones.

~X~

_Leon's Token Love Scene_

Leon rounds a corner, only to have a gun shoved in his back. "Hello, Ada."

"How did you know it was me?"

"Everybody else usually sticks the gun in my face."

"Oh. Well, I have to kill you now."

"You can't do that."

"Why not?"

"I don't have any virus samples on me."

"You're right. I can't shoot you, Leon! Make love to me right now!"

"…Right now?" He gets jumped by her.

Due to the ever-present threat of mods, all the juicy bits have been removed. Sorry.

Several tantric hours later...

"Whoa." Leon takes a deep breath.

"Hmm..." Ada snuggles up to Leon.

Leon looks around. "Hey, where did this pool table come from?"

Cue William Birkin's entrance to his hidden rumpus room. "Ack! My pool table! You've destroyed the felt!"

"Destroyed, maybe. But I have been felt," Leon quips.

Momentarily stunned by Leon's bad pun, Birkin is taken by surprise as Carlos kicks down the door on the opposite side of the room and fills him with lead. Birkin casually looks down at his bullet wounds, then starts to mutate.

"You two, get outta here and continue your sweet lovin' somewhere else! And as for you..." Carlos returns his gaze to Birkin. "You want the chainsaw, gringo?" He revs the saw suddenly in his hands for some reason, plunging the blade into Birkin's arm.

"Owowowowowowowowow! You prick! That really hurt!"

"I don't know why nobody else tried shooting you there, or something."

"You'd be amazed how stupid Claire is."

"Trust me _esse_ , I wouldn't be. She _muy loco_."

The chainsaw is still stuck in Birkin's arm. "Hey, looks like my pool table isn't that badly damaged at all. I must have just been overreacting when I saw a naked couple having sex on it."

"As you do."

"Up for a game?"

"I got nothing better to do. Well, maybe I do, but it can wait, no?"

"Now you're talking."

**Wesker's Uber-Secret Headquarters, Located Somewhere under the Pacific Ocean, Or Possibly Inside a Volcano  
...is anyone really keeping track of time by this point?**

Chris has finally cornered Wesker in the nerve center of his operations, and stands ready to ownz0r his ass. However, there's one thing Chris didn't count on... Wesker runs to his Previously Unseen Escape Elevator, and leaves him to deal with Alexia.

"Who the **** are you?" Alexia says.

"Name's Chris." He pumps the shotgun. "B.O.W.—wares."

"Cute."

Chris whips out his grenade launcher and dumps some flame rounds on Alexia, who in turn runs around screaming with her clothes on fire. A few minutes later she stands naked, modestly hiding behind a chair.

"Hey, I thought you went Type 1 when you were on fire." Chris tries to sneak a peek.

"Er... no, that was just for visual effect that one time in Antarctica."

"So you don't do that anymore."

"Nope. Uh, do you think I could find myself some other clothes?"

Chris continues staring blankly at her.

"Stop perving!" Alexia shrieks.

"Oh, sorry. Yeah, go ahead."

"I'll just be on my way. And if you want to access the elevator, put the fluffy dice in the third drawer in the desk over there, and turn on the coffee machine."

Wesker is sitting in his Even-More-Secret Underground Chamber, when Chris comes down the elevator with two cups of coffee.

"Long time no see, Chris."

"Wesker, you say that every time we meet. Like last week at the supermarket."

"...You going to drink both those cups?"

"No, I made you some coffee, just in case." He passes Wesker a mug.

"Thank you. And now, you must die."

"What—oh, yeah! You take two sugars, don't you? Silly me. Still, I don't think that's any reason to kill me."

"You fool, it's because I despise you ...and, to a lesser extent, because of the coffee!"

"Are we still on about that? Because I've been thinking—"

The rest of Chris's sentence is drowned out by the sound of a large shutter being opened, and Sherry being pushed out into the room.

"Ow! You didn't need to push me!" She yelps.

"Sherry! Hey, we're here to save you!" Chris stands up.

"Chris? Wesker?" She looks around the room. "Where am I? Where's Claire?"

"And now, Chris, you will die!" Wesker laughs. "Sherry! Destroy him!"

"Wha?"

Wesker slaps his forehead. "That's right, I'm supposed to say that _after_ I inject the Virus into you." He pulls out a needle and sticks it in her arm. "That's better. Now kill!"

Sherry twitches, then goes into full-blown spasms as the virus takes over her body. She mutates into a gigantic B.O.W./demon hybrid, and grows pointy bits, eyes, and a single wing, while a choir sings in the background.

"BWOOOOAAAAGGH! MORTALS, TREMBLE BEFORE THE MIGHT OF SHIN SAFER/SERAPH OMEGA SSJ SHERRY TYPE 17! ALL SHALL BE SLAIN AND DEVOURED!"

...And while Chris is staring in awe at Shin Safer/Seraph Omega SSJ Sherry Type 17, Wesker casually slips some zombie poo in his coffee.

"Oh, who will help us now?" He sips the coffee.

"It's all going to plan!" Wesker grins. "Bwa ha ha! We're number one! We're number one!"

A computer voice drones over the PA system. "The self-destruct sequence has been activated. All personnel head to the '91 Toyota Torago parked outside the front gate. All doors are now unlocked. The keys are in the glovebox. Repeat..."

Explosions rock the base, as suddenly, a shadowy figure bursts through the roof... a shadowy figure with glowing kanji on the back of his gi.

"It can't be! Noooo!" Wesker shrieks.

"ME SUIT!" Akuma shouts.

Everything goes black for a few seconds, and the sounds of ass-kicking are heard. The lights come back on, and Sherry is lying face down in a pool of her own blood. Akuma goes over to Wesker's desk, splits it into two half-desks with his bare hands, and the self-destruct sequence is aborted.

"Who are you?" Chris asks.

Akuma looks towards the moon, and fades out into nothingness. The kanji is the last anyone sees of him. By this time, Sherry has reverted back to her normal state. Chris carries her over his shoulder and heads for the elevator.

"Damn you, Akuma!" Wesker shakes his fist in the air. "I'll have my revenge yet!"

"Wesker, we're going home now, okay?" Chris calls over his shoulder as he leaves.

"Yeah, whatever. I- wait a minute!"

"Let's catch up later, okay?"

Out of nowhere, Wesker's mouse D.I.J. jumps on his shoulder.

"I..." Wesker sighs. "Sure. Next time, Chris... next time!"

D.I.J. squeaks.

"Hmm. Doesn't have the same effect, does it?"

D.I.J. squeaks again.

**Epilogue**

Nemesis and Jill buried the hatchet over drinks, and have since become the best of friends.

Claire and Annette took their custody case to the one man who could solve their problem: Jerry Springer. Sherry still lives with Claire.

Leon and Ada started going out. They plan on getting married by the time the next RE game is released.

Birkin replaced the felt on his pool table and went on to win the 2002 Raccoon City Bi-Annual Pool Championship.

Carlos continued his pimping escapades.

Mr.X caught a flight to Afghanistan, and became one of the most influential freedom fighters the world had ever seen. He has recently unified the warring nations and brought peace to the Middle East.

Alexia started up her own international chain of coffee houses: Ashbucks.

Wesker still despises Chris. Chris still doesn't know why.

And Akuma? Well... play Street Fighter.

Credits roll.

~X~

_Credits_

_Original Biohazard concept - Shinji Mikami_  
Fanfic concept - Wazza T. Grimsnik  
Coffee provided by - Sayuki Satou

_Special thanks to:_  
The GameFAQs RE2/ETS! board members - for their support  
Capcom - for not filing a lawsuit against me (yet)

_Thank You For Playing_  
Presented (unofficially, at least) by Capcom  


_**Resident Evil 4: Sherry May Cry** _

_CONGRATULATIONS! You unlocked a new weapon. Check the Item Box next time you play!_

_Would you like to save? Yes/No  
_


End file.
